Fairness.....

Let-the-KIDS-play · Post by **Let-the-KIDS-play** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:14 pm

Really, Give me 2 examples of FAIRNESS you will ever see in life!!

George Blanda · Post by **George Blanda** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:14 pm

Let-the-KIDS-play wrote:FINALLY sombody has the right answer!!!!! angus and shoot to have nailed this one Perfect. What if little johnny is not feeling good about work?,Call mommy and Daddy they will make it better?When are we going to teach our kids that things can be tough! Fairness is such a stupid word!!!!Teach your kids to work hard and move on if they are not happy,Parents have to learn to let kids figure life out on their own,sure you can help them a little along the way and maybe steer them in the right direction,But lets all STOP doing the work for THEM!!!!!!

I agree.

Also, if a parent of a sophomore goalie who plays varsity hockey complains...the chances of that kid getting more playing time as a junior and senior is out the door.

lampthelight · Post by **lampthelight** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:16 pm

Ok. Sophomore, playing strictly varsity.

Well first off, I'd say that he needs to be the one to talk to the coach. As a parent you should stay out of it. I know it is frustrating to see your son not play a whole lot, but by you getting involved it will not help anything(it will probably make it worse).
By having your son be the one to ask the coach what he can do for more playing time, it shows the coach that HE has the desire to play, and wants to take the necessary steps to get better.

Secondly, make sure that your son asks appropriate questions and gets specific answers. At all costs he should avoid questioning the coaches decision to not play him.

Last but not least(assuming the coach gives him good feedback), he must show signs of improving in the areas the coach tells him he needs to impove. His work ethic and attitude towards improving will show through to the coach, especially if he has made it clear to the coach that he wants to get better.

Good Luck to your son.

I would say that you as a parent should stay out of it and not confront the coach in ANY manner.

hockeygod · Post by **hockeygod** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:24 pm

lampthelight wrote:Ok. Sophomore, playing strictly varsity.

Well first off, I'd say that he needs to be the one to talk to the coach. As a parent you should stay out of it. I know it is frustrating to see your son not play a whole lot, but by you getting involved it will not help anything(it will probably make it worse).
By having your son be the one to ask the coach what he can do for more playing time, it shows the coach that HE has the desire to play, and wants to take the necessary steps to get better.

Secondly, make sure that your son asks appropriate questions and gets specific answers. At all costs he should avoid questioning the coaches decision to not play him.

Last but not least(assuming the coach gives him good feedback), he must show signs of improving in the areas the coach tells him he needs to impove. His work ethic and attitude towards improving will show through to the coach, especially if he has made it clear to the coach that he wants to get better.

Good Luck to your son.

I would say that you as a parent should stay out of it and not confront the coach in ANY manner.

what he said with the exception of if the kid says the coach didn't have anything good to say I would follow up with the coach in a nonthreatning manner to confirm that the kid got it straght That way if you don't hear the right thing at least you know who to be mad at.

kids are easily confused at that age...must be because they know everything and it's alot to keep track of

The Exiled One · Post by **The Exiled One** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:29 pm

George Blanda wrote:
Let-the-KIDS-play wrote:FINALLY sombody has the right answer!!!!! angus and shoot to have nailed this one Perfect. What if little johnny is not feeling good about work?,Call mommy and Daddy they will make it better?When are we going to teach our kids that things can be tough! Fairness is such a stupid word!!!!Teach your kids to work hard and move on if they are not happy,Parents have to learn to let kids figure life out on their own,sure you can help them a little along the way and maybe steer them in the right direction,But lets all STOP doing the work for THEM!!!!!!
I agree.

Also, if a parent of a sophomore goalie who plays varsity hockey complains...the chances of that kid getting more playing time as a junior and senior is out the door.

George, how come you and I are the only ones who've grasped the fact that a sophmore goalie is ALWAYS unlikely to get much playing time? Honest question here, anybody know how many of the state's top programs have freshman or sophmore starting goalies? It has to be less than 10%, don't you think?

extracheeseplease · Post by **extracheeseplease** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:31 pm

Let-the-KIDS-play wrote:FINALLY sombody has the right answer!!!!! angus and shoot to have nailed this one Perfect. What if little johnny is not feeling good about work?,Call mommy and Daddy they will make it better?When are we going to teach our kids that things can be tough! Fairness is such a stupid word!!!!Teach your kids to work hard and move on if they are not happy,Parents have to learn to let kids figure life out on their own,sure you can help them a little along the way and maybe steer them in the right direction,But lets all STOP doing the work for THEM!!!!!!

I understand what your saying here and thank you for your most honest answer but telling your kid to just move on isn't always that simple...believe me i would love nothing better than for him to hang up the skates as i get sick of this constant battle...and have found no real enjoyment in this sport anymore. But, we as adults look for fairness in this world don't we? Yes, I know life isn't fair, I've been down the school of hard knocks a time or two but I still strive for life to be fair for my children; at least some of the time. I know there is no utopia but they haven't lost their dreams yet. I said this before and I'll say it again, I just want him to be given a chance, that's all nothing more and nothing less. And if you think that is "padding his way" then think that. I hope to always be there for him when he has to pick up the pieces of his life after he's been treated unfairly by this world. And, to be honest sometimes I wish he would have never chosen this sport at all...but he made the decision to play not us. I've asked for honesty from this forum and I believe I have received it and I am grateful to all of you for that. Being a parent is not an easy task as our kids don't come out with manuals attached to their umbilical cords. I can only do what I think is best for my son and ask advice from other people who have been through the same things. Maybe we all can learn a few things in the process.

Can't Never Tried · Post by **Can't Never Tried** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:32 pm

I'll agree with AY and the others, and just let the kid handle it...if he won't, then to bad! You have to stay out of it if you know what's good for you, and him!

If you just can't take it anymore, go shopping with the wife

surprisingly after that, the situation won't seem so bad.

A soph that's strictly varsity and not playing JV should ask for JV time, it's better to play JV, then watch Varsity.
And most coaches don't mind...
Have you ever thought that maybe this coach feels that your son is on the verge of taking a varsity spot, and is just waiting for the opportunity to throw him out there? Is he practicing with the Varsity? if so that's a good thing in itself.

Good luck don't self destruct!

The Exiled One · Post by **The Exiled One** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:34 pm

Can't Never Tried wrote:If you just can't take it anymore, go shopping with the wife

...or her husband.

Can't Never Tried · Post by **Can't Never Tried** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:36 pm

The Exiled One wrote:
Can't Never Tried wrote:If you just can't take it anymore, go shopping with the wife
...or her husband.

Is that why you are the exiled one?

elliott70 · Post by **elliott70** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:41 pm

Parents do not belong in the coach's office (read as: face, telephone line, email, etc...).
The player has every right to discuss the team and his role with the coach.

Support your kid by teaching him to work hard, stand up for himself and TO WORK HARD.
And one more thing, teach him to work hard.

The Exiled One · Post by **The Exiled One** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:42 pm

Can't Never Tried wrote:
The Exiled One wrote:
Can't Never Tried wrote:If you just can't take it anymore, go shopping with the wife
...or her husband.
Is that why you are the exiled one?

I'm just sayin' I think she's a woman based on the way she types. If I'm wrong extracheeseplease, my advise is to write with swear words or complete punctuation. Either practice will make your posts less feminine.

PASTRAPIDSFAN · Post by **PASTRAPIDSFAN** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:42 pm

elliott70 wrote:Parents do not belong in the coach's office (read as: face, telephone line, email, etc...).
The player has every right to discuss the team and his role with the coach.

Support your kid by teaching him to work hard, stand up for himself and TO WORK HARD.
And one more thing, teach him to work hard.

I agree

extracheeseplease · Post by **extracheeseplease** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:46 pm

it's ok......i am a female....at least last time i checked!

extracheeseplease · Post by **extracheeseplease** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:47 pm

now i'm gonna really get it...........another hockey mom gone wild!

elliott70 · Post by **elliott70** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:49 pm

extracheeseplease wrote:it's ok......i am a female....at least last time i checked!

That will bring smiles.

Can't Never Tried · Post by **Can't Never Tried** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:05 pm

extracheeseplease wrote:it's ok......i am a female....at least last time i checked!

Well I gave her the benefit of the doubt....

Still... the advise is the same, it's hard to see them suffer, and it's hard for you to take, but believe me it will work out for the best if you let it.
Wanna see for sure? go against what you've been advised here, and I promise you, that the small amount of satisfaction you will get by venting, will very quickly be absorbed by the feeling that you wish you would have left it be.

BIAFP · Post by **BIAFP** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:10 pm

extracheeseplease wrote:now i'm gonna really get it...........another hockey mom gone wild!

Don't tell Hiding Under The Covers Hockey Lover

extracheeseplease · Post by **extracheeseplease** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:12 pm

geez, guess if i was to take a poll.....most would favor sit down and shut up! for my kid's sake......

SEMinnHockeyNut · Post by **SEMinnHockeyNut** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:15 pm

Could ask the coach to play some JV to get some playing time? Maybe go 2 JV and 2 varsity? I know high school kids can play four periods and I have seen it done quite a bit with young players.

I agree with the others, have the kid talk to the coaches privately and specifically ask what needs to be worked on to improve, etc

I am assuming that the passion for the game implies that the kid works hard every day in practice and puts in time off the ice as well.

Hang in there....many many people have been in the same position, worked hard, been a team player and it does pay off in the end most of the time.

BIAFP · Post by **BIAFP** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:15 pm

extracheeseplease wrote:geez, guess if i was to take a poll.....most would favor sit down and shut up! for my kid's sake......

We have a BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

extracheeseplease · Post by **extracheeseplease** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:20 pm

well ok, people, i'll be back as they say, in a couple of years.....and if you advised me wrong on this...I'LL BE THE FIRST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW!!!!
I asked and I received.......maybe not what I wanted to hear but good feedback nonetheless........so again.....cheers to all you hockey lovers, past, present and future..........and Merry Christmas!

Observer85 · Post by **Observer85** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:21 pm

Best thing would be to have your son 1) talk to the coach - mom, you stay out of it and 2) have him ask to play in the JV game prior to the varsity game.

Goalies in Minnesota have a strike against them from the get go from scouts as the number of games they play versus midget programs isn't even close.

He needs minutes and shots. Get them at the JV level if he can't at the varsity level.

But tell him to make sure he continues to get to practice with the varsity as that skill level is better than JV level.

extracheeseplease · Post by **extracheeseplease** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:29 pm

and while your at it, "throw some extra mozzarella on that bad boy", will ya...ha ha....hence extra cheese please.

i just blew my cover...boy that felt good!

boblee · Post by **boblee** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:40 pm

I was on the varsity team for two years.. Granted, I played goalie...I think here is a good time to give you my story...

My junior year I dressed in 7 varsity games (team played 30 games) and I played zero minutes. That year, I did play two full JV games, I posted two shutouts. My senior year I dressed for every game (team played 31 games). I started opening night and played rather well. The only reason I started was that the other goalie had gotten suspended for one game. For the next 30 games I played 3 third periods, 1 second half of a game, and 1:24 in the state championship. I didn't see another start. I worked just as hard, if not harder than the starter, and to be honest, I wasn't far behind in talent. I suppose now you need some background. I was a second year Peewee A starter over Reidar. I was a two year bantam A starter. My first year I played a few more games than Andy (a returning Bantam A). We played pretty evenly. My second year I was Bantam A starter over Trevor. We basically split games, but you get where I am going, I got the tougher games and most of playoffs. Both years Reidar was a B1. My sophomore year, Reidar and I split games and for most of the year I played against better teams, but it ended up being very even. Andy was sick one night, and Peter was starting varsity. Coaches chose Reidar to dress, and Peter played poorly and Reidar got a shot. To his credit, he played very good. Later that year, Reidar would literally get pulled out of the stands and told to dress and went right into the game in the middle of the second period. My junior year, Reidar started over Andy, I was third string. My senior year, Reidar started over me. I give a lot of credit to every goalie I mentioned here. They were all very respectful and very successful. Anyways, did I get treated fairly? There is no question that the answer is no. Did the coaches communicate well? Not really. Here is what I did: My parents didn't deal with it at all, although they were upset. I kept my mouth shut until the back half of my senior year. We had the weaker part of our schedule coming up and I asked if I would get a shot to play any of those games. The response I got was, "I hope so. If you mean starting, no. I hope we can get some nice leads and get you in." I asked why I couldn't get a start and I was told "Reidar is the guy and we can't afford to lose right now." I don't know if this answers your question, but as far as parents...don't get involved. As for the player, everyone in life has an agenda. A lot of times, the coaches agenda will not benefit you. In this case, bite your tongue. You are a sophomore! If it is still like this your senior year...then say something. For now, just keep playing hockey. You have 2.5 more years left at the varsity level.

-By the way, our coaches were great. I don't mean to put them down on here. Coaching alone won us quite a few hockey games in my two years.

extracheeseplease · Post by **extracheeseplease** » Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:45 pm

Wow boblee, you could be one bitter person if you choose to be. Inspirational to say the least.

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Fairness.....

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