equipment insurance!

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Is there anything like this in Minnesota?

Following the old adage if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em, NACHO inc. has decided to “get in the game” and may soon offer catastrophic hockey equipment insurance to ALL hockey players.

Now we’ve all heard those heart-wrenching stories about kids who’ve broken a new stick, skate blade, etc. But what you might not know is that some of these kids find themselves the subject of scorn and ridicule because of these catastrophes. You see, often, parents have already mortgaged their house to equip their kid with the very latest “high end” model of stick or skates, and when these unanticipated equipment catastrophes hits, some kids have actually had to resort to playing with a LAST YEAR’S MODEL (or an even earlier one)! I even heard of one incident last year where a kid actually had to play with a WOODEN stick (and I heard the poor kid is still undergoing counseling).

Now our plan is simple. We’ll work with state and local hockey organizations to require each hockey parent/player to purchase a buck of insurance for each piece of hockey equipment they buy. Then, if a kid breaks a stick or skate (and can prove that his parents are completely bankrupt), we’ll use a portion of the collected funds to buy them a suitable replacement! Now with any unused money we collect, we’ll hire a full-time “equipment advisory board” and we’ll establish a “Hockey Equipment Safety Committee” to determine which sticks and skates are most suitable for our players. With time, I envision expanding our duties to study ways in which we can teach players how to use equipment without abusing it.

Later (as our empire grows), we’ll plan to use some of our excess cash flow to coordinate “Equipment Awareness Days”, and we’ll conduct studies on the inequality of hockey equipment distribution between Canadian and American players. The possibilities are almost ENDLESS (especially if we raise our insurance rate each year so that it stays well above the rate of inflation).

Sincerely,

Ben Dover, CEON.A.C.H.O. (North American Classic Hockey Organization) Inc.