When is it OK to quit?

bestpopcorn · Post by **bestpopcorn** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:56 am

This is an offshoot from the Farmington Goalie thread. The question I have been thinking about is when is it OK to quit? Not quit like he did, but just quietly drop out.

Never?

Sometimes?

Is there a requirement that you explain your reason for quitting?

Are there times that dropping out is a better decision than staying?

Tigers33 · Post by **Tigers33** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:24 am

Before the season starts or after the season concludes. End of discussion! All of us adults understand life isn't always fair. Correct?

bestpopcorn · Post by **bestpopcorn** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:33 am

Tigers33 wrote:Before the season starts or after the season concludes.

Why?

Note, not discussing the Farmington thing... just quitting in general.

DrGaf · Post by **DrGaf** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:39 am

I'd let my kids stop playing anytime they want, so long as they have valid reasoning and are willing to address the entire team, coaching staff, and administration to explain their reasoning.

bafata88 · Post by **bafata88** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:40 am

In the best of all worlds, Tigers is correct. However, I can imagine plenty of scenarios where it may be in the best interests of the player to quit. My advise to a player is the simple mantra, "you finish what you started!" But I would never stop a kid from leaving if he is absolutely miserable in his situation and has completely given up.

I will say this, a player should never quit in the middle of a game; doing so definitely crosses the line into unacceptable decisionmaking.

Bronc · Post by **Bronc** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:40 am

Tigers33 wrote:Before the season starts or after the season concludes. End of discussion! All of us adults understand life isn't always fair. Correct?

Completely agree withyou Tiger. Once you sign up you complete the season and you are not a quitter.

You don't have to go out the next season, but once you start you do not quit.

nahc · Post by **nahc** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:50 am

Players can quit whenever they wish to......in any sport.......I hear the "finish what you start" mantra, but this is highschool sports for gosh sakes, not quitting a job midstream and not being able to provide for family, etc.. We all encourage these young adults to weith options and start making desicions on their own accord. Parents need to provide this support.....their indeed may be consequences to these decisions but that is what life is all about........

Pioneerprideguy · Post by **Pioneerprideguy** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:55 am

Winners never quit & quitters never win!

BodyShots · Post by **BodyShots** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:06 am

DrGaf wrote:I'd let my kids stop playing anytime they want, so long as they have valid reasoning and are willing to address the entire team, coaching staff, and administration to explain their reasoning.

The question is... What is a valid reason?

Injury? No, even though you can't play, you still can support your teammates.

Illness? I guess it depends on what the illness is, and how long it lasts. Flu - No, Cold - No, Mono - No, Malaria - probably.

Death - if it's you, sure, go ahead and quit.

rainier · Post by **rainier** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:15 am

nahc wrote:Players can quit whenever they wish to......in any sport.......I hear the "finish what you start" mantra, but this is highschool sports for gosh sakes, not quitting a job midstream and not being able to provide for family, etc.. We all encourage these young adults to weith options and start making desicions on their own accord. Parents need to provide this support.....their indeed may be consequences to these decisions but that is what life is all about........

Agreed. Kids should not be allowed to quit immediately, as they need to learn to deal with the initial unfamiliarity and apprehension of a new activity, but once they are past that and they still hate it, then it is time to let them make the call.

Forcing them to stay no matter what is just ingraining them with a dysfunctional mindset that doesn't work in the real world. They need to learn that there is a time to walk away and that it is not "quitting", it is common sense.

BodyShots · Post by **BodyShots** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:32 am

rainier wrote:
nahc wrote:Players can quit whenever they wish to......in any sport.......I hear the "finish what you start" mantra, but this is highschool sports for gosh sakes, not quitting a job midstream and not being able to provide for family, etc.. We all encourage these young adults to weith options and start making desicions on their own accord. Parents need to provide this support.....their indeed may be consequences to these decisions but that is what life is all about........
Agreed. Kids should not be allowed to quit immediately, as they need to learn to deal with the initial unfamiliarity and apprehension of a new activity, but once they are past that and they still hate it, then it is time to let them make the call.

Forcing them to stay no matter what is just ingraining them with a dysfunctional mindset that doesn't work in the real world. They need to learn that there is a time to walk away and that it is not "quitting", it is common sense.

Two completely different situations here. Trying something new as a 5 or 6 year old and not liking it is different than playing a sport for several years and quiting at the high school level because things are not working the way you had hoped.

Tenoverpar · Post by **Tenoverpar** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:36 am

It's not okay to quit when there is 2 weeks or so left in a season and you're part of a team....sets the tone for the rest of your life and speaks volumes about you and your family values or lack there of

bestpopcorn · Post by **bestpopcorn** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:42 am

Grades Scenario 1
Kid wants to an engineering college that may be hard to get in to. He is an A/B student in the off season. He spends every last moment offf the ice studying. Late nights after games are spent working on AP Calc; he is exhausted and has a C+ in his AP courses. He loves the game, loves his team but won’t play beyond high school. His goals have changed, the courses have gotten harder than he expected. It is mid-season; it is not going as planned. He is convinced that he really needs to get his grades up in order to end up where he wants. He is junior playing 3rd line forward.

Grades Scenario 2
Same as above except he is the starting goalie, the goalie below him has 79% save average and the team is on track to win their conference.

Physical
I saw this one happen. The kid is allergic to his pads, he has tried everything but keeps breaking out. The doctor is no help. He is in physical pain.

Mental
The kid isn’t cut out for it. He is kind of chubby, started in Peewees and never really got the hang of it. In his small town he won’t get cut from JV but probably won’t see Varsity but for a few shifts in blowouts as a senior. There are some real head cases on the team, they aren’t kind. It was fun in youth, this sucks. He really wants to play but is miserable.
His dad “never quit anything” and can prove it based on his 20 years putting square pegs in square holes for 11.75 per hour and the fact that he finishes every 12 pack. The kid is in mental pain.

elliott70 · Post by **elliott70** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:59 am

bestpopcorn wrote:Grades Scenario 1
Kid wants to an engineering college that may be hard to get in to. He is an A/B student in the off season. He spends every last moment offf the ice studying. Late nights after games are spent working on AP Calc; he is exhausted and has a C+ in his AP courses. He loves the game, loves his team but won’t play beyond high school. His goals have changed, the courses have gotten harder than he expected. It is mid-season; it is not going as planned. He is convinced that he really needs to get his grades up in order to end up where he wants. He is junior playing 3rd line forward.

Grades Scenario 2
Same as above except he is the starting goalie, the goalie below him has 79% save average and the team is on track to win their conference.

Physical
I saw this one happen. The kid is allergic to his pads, he has tried everything but keeps breaking out. The doctor is no help. He is in physical pain.

Mental
The kid isn’t cut out for it. He is kind of chubby, started in Peewees and never really got the hang of it. In his small town he won’t get cut from JV but probably won’t see Varsity but for a few shifts in blowouts as a senior. There are some real head cases on the team, they aren’t kind. It was fun in youth, this sucks. He really wants to play but is miserable.
His dad “never quit anything” and can prove it based on his 20 years putting square pegs in square holes for 11.75 per hour and the fact that he finishes every 12 pack. The kid is in mental pain.

Geeezzzz......

I hope this isn't your life.

Sometimes you have to quit, most of the time you need to stick it out.

GolfGuy7900 · Post by **GolfGuy7900** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:59 am

bestpopcorn wrote:and the fact that he finishes every 12 pack.

Sounds fantastic!

bestpopcorn · Post by **bestpopcorn** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:06 am

I hope this isn't your life.

I don't follow, you hope WHAT isn't my life?

Deck Slide · Post by **Deck Slide** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:14 am

I think it is laughable that people come on here and think its OK to quit mid season. Excuses are like butt holes and every one has one. Please save the excuses and maybe dig a little deeper and find a way through the adversity. In the real world, people are defined by how they re-act to adversity. You wanna throw in the towel anytime something negative happens in your life and teach your kids that it is OK to do so.. Well your child will never be at the top of the mountain, they will be at the base looking up for the rest of their lives.. LIFE IS NOT FAIR..

mulefarm · Post by **mulefarm** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:22 am

Deck Slide wrote:I think it is laughable that people come on here and think its OK to quit mid season. Excuses are like butt holes and every one has one. Please save the excuses and maybe dig a little deeper and find a way through the adversity. In the real world, people are defined by how they re-act to adversity. You wanna throw in the towel anytime something negative happens in your life and teach your kids that it is OK to do so.. Well your child will never be at the top of the mountain, they will be at the base looking up for the rest of their lives.. LIFE IS NOT FAIR..

Exactly! To me this is part of parenting that isn't fun, but it is usually only a few weekas until the season is over, a the kid will probably learn a life long lesson. I would guess if he quits, in mid-season, the next bump in his life quitting will become easier.

DrGaf · Post by **DrGaf** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:28 am

BodyShots wrote:
DrGaf wrote:I'd let my kids stop playing anytime they want, so long as they have valid reasoning and are willing to address the entire team, coaching staff, and administration to explain their reasoning.
The question is... What is a valid reason?

Injury? No, even though you can't play, you still can support your teammates.

Illness? I guess it depends on what the illness is, and how long it lasts. Flu - No, Cold - No, Mono - No, Malaria - probably.

Death - if it's you, sure, go ahead and quit.

Depends. It's my kid, so it's my call as to what is valid.

School, personal, disciplinary ... your options are short term. Injuries and sickness wouldn't push a kid to quit something he's dedicated so much time and effort to, at least not my kids. (so I think)

And this whole "you started, you finish" is a BS cop-out. It's along the same lines of wood-sticks, pond hockey, and walking to school up hill both ways in waist deep snow.

And I feel that if either of mine are willing to address the team, coaches, and admin in a closed door setting to explain why. That is worth more than "toughing it out." I've seen it done when I was in school. A buddy had to drop for school reasons, he bawled through the entire moment.

DrGaf · Post by **DrGaf** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:40 am

mulefarm wrote:
Deck Slide wrote:I think it is laughable that people come on here and think its OK to quit mid season. Excuses are like butt holes and every one has one. Please save the excuses and maybe dig a little deeper and find a way through the adversity. In the real world, people are defined by how they re-act to adversity. You wanna throw in the towel anytime something negative happens in your life and teach your kids that it is OK to do so.. Well your child will never be at the top of the mountain, they will be at the base looking up for the rest of their lives.. LIFE IS NOT FAIR..
Exactly! To me this is part of parenting that isn't fun, but it is usually only a few weekas until the season is over, a the kid will probably learn a life long lesson. I would guess if he quits, in mid-season, the next bump in his life quitting will become easier.

So there is no reason that is acceptable to either of you?

Really??

Really???

bestpopcorn · Post by **bestpopcorn** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:55 am

The subject may be to complicated to comprehend.

The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. F. Scott Fitzgerald ...

Shortly after tryouts = "Coach picked the team based on politics!!!"

After 4 games = "Only thing the coach is concerned about is winning!!!"

Situation based ethics I think. It is easy to stand at the end of the rink and grunt about someone else's kid.

BlueLineSpecial · Post by **BlueLineSpecial** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:05 am

Who cares if he quits? The WAY he quit is the problem.

"Life is about facing adversity and finding a way through it" blah blah blah

Is life about any of that? Are there any consequences whatsoever these days? Take a look at the number of jobs the average person quits/leaves for greener pastures during their life. Take a look at the percentage of divorce rates (quitting marriage). People quit things all the time for any number of reasons. Do what makes you happy. If you are miserable playing hockey, by all frickin means, quit. You'll just be a drag on your team if your heart isn't in it anyway.

Again, the problem is not quitting. Its the way this kid did it, which was selfish, arrogant, detrimental to his team, disrepectful to his team, etc.

BodyShots · Post by **BodyShots** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:10 am

OK, It's time to answer the original question. When is it OK to quit?

Here are a few of the million reasons to quit a team.

Death
Family moves
Dismemberment preventing you from playing anymore
Sickness not allowing you to play anymore
etc, etc, etc....

You throw this topic out there based on a specific occurrance in a game. It's a lot easier to discuss specifics.

Deck Slide · Post by **Deck Slide** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:54 am

BlueLineSpecial wrote:Who cares if he quits? The WAY he quit is the problem.

"Life is about facing adversity and finding a way through it" blah blah blah

Is life about any of that? Are there any consequences whatsoever these days? Take a look at the number of jobs the average person quits/leaves for greener pastures during their life. Take a look at the percentage of divorce rates (quitting marriage). People quit things all the time for any number of reasons. Do what makes you happy. If you are miserable playing hockey, by all frickin means, quit. You'll just be a drag on your team if your heart isn't in it anyway.

Again, the problem is not quitting. Its the way this kid did it, which was selfish, arrogant, detrimental to his team, disrepectful to his team, etc.

Apparently no one taught you the value of Loyality and being a team player! I am sorry but i raise my children much different than you and quitting is not option! I dont care how uncomfortable or how hard life gets from it. They made a committment to a TEAM at the begining of the year when they signed up and they knew the positives and negatives that will come along with it. They will see a way through it and become better people from it. And by the way No employeer likes a job hopper!!

bestpopcorn · Post by **bestpopcorn** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 12:02 pm

Apparently no one taught you the value of Loyality and being a team player! I am sorry but i raise my children much different than you and quitting is not option! I dont care how uncomfortable or how hard life gets from it. They made a committment to a TEAM at the begining of the year when they signed up and they knew the positives and negatives that will come along with it. They will see a way through it and become better people from it. And by the way No employeer likes a job hopper!!

Does being forced to complete a 5 month task teach a child to not be a quitter? Is that really what he learns?