What to do with a 10 year old who wants to quit?

[Looper]

Having read one of the previous post about “Burnout” it made me wonder about my 10 year old son. Having been a strong player all along, often being player advanced, and making special AAA summer teams ( including a brick team ) I could see ‘something’ missing in his game off and on over the last year. As of late, that ‘something’ has been missing more and more often. His work ethic has declined and his wanting to get better has dwindled. Thus, I decided to have a heart to heart with him. After continually telling him that mom and dad don’t care if he plays, he finally admitted that he “lost the love of the game” a year ago. He said he was afraid to tell us because I ( dad ) loves hockey and he thought I’d be mad. He also said why can’t he be like other kids and just play video games more often ( we do have a Wii and he does play a little but we monitor how much ) or let him just watch TV ( and he does plenty of this )
I told him to take a year off and find another activity but he says there’s nothing that interest him ( other than video games / TV – which isn’t an option )
I told him that he doesn’t have to play hockey but must play something to do.

Am I doing the right thing by letting him off the hook? Is he quitting because other players are catching up? Should we encourage him to continue on or give him a year’s break ? Also how much will he fall behind if he decides to play again after not playing for a year?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated because I have no idea what to do.

[Broke Goalie Dad]

Have him try goalie!

[DMom]

He's a squirt. Why not have him play a lesser commitment this winter? Rather than quitting altogether just don't have him tryout. He can play C and regain confidence and maybe a love for the game. He may begin to miss his friends that he used to play with, or he'll make new ones. It less of a commitment and less pressure.

Does he play football? Because it seems that the ones who enjoy hitting and being hit at football seem to handle PeeWees a little better, IMO, and that may bring the joy back next year when the game changes for him.

[Can't Never Tried]

He's a SQ give him the year off and take him to some of the games that his friends are playing, so that he gets a different perspective.
Watching the goal celebrations and the crowd cheering, and even when they lose will make him realize what he's missing, and make him think that he could have helped improve the outcome, and he may just have a quick change of heart..
This also will most likely generate some attention from his peers that they need him...and kids love to feel needed.

Good luck !

[spin-o-rama]

Kyle Okposo took a year off and did just fine hockey wise.

Maybe take his favorite Wii sport game and let him do a real life version. Or even do paintball for war games, build a go-kart for race games. This is a good opportunity to expand the interests.

Hopefully we will have another nice winter and his friends will get him down to the outdoor rink to refind the love.

[sorno82]

I think it makes sense to read this article once again.

http://www.ushsho.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=17441

It sounds like there may be some mental fatigue setting in. The symptoms you describe are classic burnout.

FWIW-give him a break. Have him do other activities. Kyle Okposo took a year off as a 7th or 8th grader and played basketball. It did not hurt him. If your son was just playing hockey, then you may need to add variety to his extra-curricular activities. If his close friends all play hockey, he will eventually come back. If he does not get along, or just doesn't fit in with them, he may just need a change in scenery. It could be a personal conflict that has him feeling this way.

If he wants to play again, do not go back into it full throttle. Play other sports or get involved with other activities. The mind needs a break more than the body.

Skill without passion does not do anyone any good.

[top_shelfer]

It could be a confidence issue but playing at a high level and the pressures that can go along with it, does sometime take the fun out of the game. This can often be the case for the younger players because they are still just developing their skills and sometimes just want to play the game for the sake of playing.

You can let him take a year off but do keep him active somehow. Soccer and lacrosse are similar to hockey in how they play and there are a few indoor leagues during the winter. Roller blading at the indoor roller rinks might be fun. If he wants to skate, take him to the local park for pickup hockey or open skate. And, should his skills weaken somewhat, he should be able to pick them back up rather quickly. And, if he would decide to come back after a year, playing at a lower level than he might have this year may slightly hurt his ego but it's much better to be a strong player at a lower level than to be a weaker player at a higher one, just for the sake of a letter (be it A, B, or C). That ego will boost right back up!

[O-townClown]

Let him.

[jancze5]

I agree, let him do what he wants. I would imagine that after a month or two off the ice and away from the game, he'll start having the itch. Ask him if he wants to still play spring hockey and keep him on a spring team, in theory that he'll be itching to go again. A full season away may rejuv him. In the meantime, enjoy some time away from the rink and try something else. Lacrosse, as others have said, is a great sport and alot of hockey players, once playing, like it just as much or more.
Good luck with whatever you guys do, hope to your son on the ice again.

[mngopherfan]

Let him.

Well done.

[muckandgrind]

As the boy's father, you should obviously be in a better position to give him advise than we are. Do what you think is right for him.

[Blue&Gold]

As the boy's father, you should obviously be in a better position to give him advise than we are. Do what you think is right for him.

Totally agree, but emphasize "what is right for him". Too many do what is right for themselves.

If he comes back to play, get rid of the summer stuff and just have him play winter hockey in the community. Some kids just get confused with all the different kids on all the optional teams. If he had said this in the spring, I would have said to skip the other stuff (hockey wise) and just play in the winter. Let him play soccer or baseball in the summer, or go fishing, swimming, running around, golf or other summer things.

Not every kid, regardless of how good they are, really want to play hockey as a full-time job. Some do. Give him some slack and enjoy him while you have him around as they grow up WAY too fast and before you know it he'll be moving on. Don't make him feel guilty either.

My advice, and it's probably worth just about as much as you've paid for it.

[tomASS]

He's a SQ give him the year off and take him to some of the games that his friends are playing, so that he gets a different perspective.
Watching the goal celebrations and the crowd cheering, and even when they lose will make him realize what he's missing, and make him think that he could have helped improve the outcome, and he may just have a quick change of heart..
This also will most likely generate some attention from his peers that they need him...and kids love to feel needed.

Good luck !

we did this with our middle son and I can tell you we would ask him if he missed the game at all?.......his answer, NOPE.
He made the right decision on his own

[Can't Never Tried]

Or you take a more drastic approach and sign him up for basketball
He'd be back in skates in no time
JK

[Hockeydaddy]

Let him quit, take him down to the outdoor rink once in awhile, and pocket the $1500 bucks and go on a nice family vacation.

[Govs93]

You do what my dad did to me when I was about 8 or 9 on the ballfield...

We lost a game pretty badly (this was back in the days when leagues actually kept score at ball games. ), and I was mostly responsible, having been shelled on the mound.... It's didn't happen often, but it happened that time .

Anyway, as far as I was concerned, I was done. Never going to play again... I didn't like it, it wasn't fun, I wasn't any good, etc.

The next day I got home from school and had practice. I was still dressed in my school clothes when I told my dad that I wasn't going. He told me I was. I told him I wasn't. He picked up my glove - and me - and threw us both in the car.

During the 5 minute car ride to the practice field, I did nothing but scream, and yell, and cry about how I wasn't playing anymore. Dad meanwhile said nothing. Once we parked the car, he finally spoke up and said "get out". I said "no". He got out of the car, opened my door, threw me over his shoulder and carried me about 100 yards to the field, with me kicking and screaming all the way. He didn't say anything to me, just put me on the bench, turned to the coach and said "he might be a little bit of a handful today", and left.

I practiced that day - in school clothes... and kept playing competitively through high school and still play whenever I get the chance 25 years later - I can't imagine not being around baseball.

My dad and I don't see eye to eye too often anymore, he does his thing, and I do mine, but despite that, that's one of my most vivid memories of my dad. I didn't know it at the time, but as I look back, he didn't let me quit, he knew what was better for me than I did at that age, and that's exactly what I needed at the time... He was the guy who wouldn't let me quit and it's one of those things I keep with me to this day (read the politcal thread in the The Cafe... the guys in there will tell you that I'm a rabid dog!).

[O-townClown]

Govs, big difference between quitting in-season and dropping the sport entirely. Sure sounds like you chose to play. Just not that day. I think your dad did the right thing, especially considering your reaction was emotional.

His kid has been going through the motions for a year and admitted he continues to play because he knows his father wants him to.

[cclavin]

Govs, big difference between quitting in-season and dropping the sport entirely. Sure sounds like you chose to play. Just not that day. I think your dad did the right thing, especially considering your reaction was emotional.

Very important point - Gov's dad taught him an invaluable lesson that day.

It's the same in our house, if you join a team (or sign up for dance, debate, art class, whatever) you finish the season and put forth your best effort. We don't allow them to quit in the middle of a season. If you don't want to play again next season it's not a problem.

[Govs93]

Govs, big difference between quitting in-season and dropping the sport entirely. Sure sounds like you chose to play. Just not that day. I think your dad did the right thing, especially considering your reaction was emotional.

His kid has been going through the motions for a year and admitted he continues to play because he knows his father wants him to.

I would say that it sounds like the kid is going through the motions because other kids are improving their Wii skills and he's not keeping up. As parent, you know what's wrong and right, and I have no reason to believe that Looper is any different. The fact that he's even asking for some validation tells me that he does.

He doesn't want his son turning into a couch potato, despite the fact that he'd let himself if given the choice. Have you seen the graphics on Wii? what kid wouldn't let himself turn into a couch potato?!

Dmom is probably on the right track... maybe you back off him a little bit. Don't send him to camps, cut back to a lower level so that he stays in and during the summer, introduce him to golf, or baseball, or have him take a video game design class at the Science Museum... Just cut back the hockey workload.

[Can't Never Tried]

You do what my dad did to me when I was about 8 or 9 on the ballfield...

We lost a game pretty badly (this was back in the days when leagues actually kept score at ball games. ), and I was mostly responsible, having been shelled on the mound.... It's didn't happen often, but it happened that time .

Anyway, as far as I was concerned, I was done. Never going to play again... I didn't like it, it wasn't fun, I wasn't any good, etc.

The next day I got home from school and had practice. I was still dressed in my school clothes when I told my dad that I wasn't going. He told me I was. I told him I wasn't. He picked up my glove - and me - and threw us both in the car.

During the 5 minute car ride to the practice field, I did nothing but scream, and yell, and cry about how I wasn't playing anymore. Dad meanwhile said nothing. Once we parked the car, he finally spoke up and said "get out". I said "no". He got out of the car, opened my door, threw me over his shoulder and carried me about 100 yards to the field, with me kicking and screaming all the way. He didn't say anything to me, just put me on the bench, turned to the coach and said "he might be a little bit of a handful today", and left.

I practiced that day - in school clothes... and kept playing competitively through high school and still play whenever I get the chance 25 years later - I can't imagine not being around baseball.

My dad and I don't see eye to eye too often anymore, he does his thing, and I do mine, but despite that, that's one of my most vivid memories of my dad. I didn't know it at the time, but as I look back, he didn't let me quit, he knew what was better for me than I did at that age, and that's exactly what I needed at the time... He was the guy who wouldn't let me quit and it's one of those things I keep with me to this day (read the politcal thread in the The Cafe... the guys in there will tell you that I'm a rabid dog!).

Still getting shelled of course

[JoltDelivered]

Kids change their minds day to day, month to month. I don't mind the Wii and Playstation stuff, I actually enjoy it myself. But I tell my kids they have the rest of life to "take a summer off". They really only have a few years to play at a real competitive level.

I have brought a crying 9 year-old yute to a practice facility before and he swore he was done playing. He wanted to hang out with his buddies instead. I wasn't having it. Fast forward a year from that "crummy summer" with another season under his belt and now he wants to paint his bedroom in the team colors. That's a true story.

Go figure.

[Can't Never Tried]

Kids change their minds day to day, month to month. I don't mind the Wii and Playstation stuff, I actually enjoy it myself. But I tell my kids they have the rest of life to "take a summer off". They really only have a few years to play at a real competitive level.

I have brought a crying 9 year-old yute to a practice facility before and he swore he was done playing. He wanted to hang out with his buddies instead. I wasn't having it. Fast forward a year from that "crummy summer" with another season under his belt and now he wants to paint his bedroom in the team colors. That's a true story.

Go figure.

Jolt are you a teacher or something?

[DuckDuckQuackQuack]

Too much pressure on these kids now a days. Its sad to see kids play high level hockey then lose interest in the game. I'm not blaming Mom or Dad they were just giving him the tools to succeed. But the win at all cost mentality is brutal. Win, skate hard, play hard or you'll be replaced. I believe the team in question is well known for replacing kids mid-season if they don't perform to the coaches expectations. That alone is a lot of pressure.
Since there are so many quality AAA teams to choose from parents have to realize they don't need to have little Billy playing on the best team. There's no assurance that little Billy will develop into a solid player later in his career anyways.
Being part of Minnesota made this past year I see the revolving door process happening right now. Players that didn't perform to expectations are being replaced by up and coming super star players that will most likely be replaced in the near future anyways. Find a team that's a good fit for your kids. I have a feeling that if your son played for another top team without the pressure he might still have interest in the game.

[DMom]

No one say it. No. No. Do Not Say IT.

Okay, when we have the first annual Cafe baseball game and barbecue and me and Mainefan get to pick the teams, cuz we're girls, remind me NOT to pick Govs to pitch (who would have thought and you had such promise.)

[Govs93]

No one say it. No. No. Do Not Say IT.

Okay, when we have the first annual Cafe baseball game and barbecue and me and Mainefan get to pick the teams, cuz we're girls, remind me NOT to pick Govs to pitch (who would have thought and you had such promise.)

I'm not above giving those "righties" a little chin music.

You pickin' up what I'm layin' down?!