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Govs93 wrote:

Can't Never Tried wrote:Another fun one............. it's worth it ya think??




One word B***h!!

Wonder if she's selling the sign... Mrs. Govs might be interested.

Mrs. Govs ... I mean Ms. Govs ... is on the market!?


(Or do we not condone those sort of jokes on here?)

NumberCruncher wrote:

Govs93 wrote:

Can't Never Tried wrote:Another fun one............. it's worth it ya think??




One word B***h!!

Wonder if she's selling the sign... Mrs. Govs might be interested.

Mrs. Govs ... I mean Ms. Govs ... is on the market!?


(Or do we not condone those sort of jokes on here?)

Unfortunately, no.

Mr. Govs is still stuck.

Govs93 wrote:

NumberCruncher wrote:

Govs93 wrote: Wonder if she's selling the sign... Mrs. Govs might be interested.

Mrs. Govs ... I mean Ms. Govs ... is on the market!?


(Or do we not condone those sort of jokes on here?)

Unfortunately, no.

Mr. Govs is still stuck.

But........ Yes the Joke are condoned here In fact they are encouraged

Alright the Mr. Nice guy switch is turned off ...

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Duluth. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere." says Sven.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pays for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Two Harbors.

At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."





Moments later Knute who's been to the pet shop too, arrives at the cliffs. He walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag and a shotgun. "Hey, Ole. Vatch dis." He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.

Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot and continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."



Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag and pulls out a chicken. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down and hits a rock and breaks his spine
Once more Ole shakes his head...."First der was Sven with his budgie jumping, den Knute parrotshooting.,.and now Lars hengliding . . ..

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.


A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch,


"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert..


Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"


The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.



He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.


It is, however, the best piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Can't Never Tried wrote:It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.


A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch,


"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert..


Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"


The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.



He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.


It is, however, the best piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Thank you now, I have material to use on my clients this evening. I better rehearse so I know where the pecker goes

CNT - Great joke, and it reminds me of a lesser one, but similar,.....here it is.

How do trap a bear?

First you dig a deep hole in the ground, and fill the bottom with ashes. Then you place peas around the perimeter of the hole. When the bear comes to take a pea,.....you kick him in the ash hole.

Great joke cnt

Knowlzee wrote:CNT - Great joke, and it reminds me of a lesser one, but similar,.....here it is.

How do trap a bear?

First you dig a deep hole in the ground, and fill the bottom with ashes. Then you place peas around the perimeter of the hole. When the bear comes to take a pea,.....you kick him in the ash hole.

Nice.......
Heres another.

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:


You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!



So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:



Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:



Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."



So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.



She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"



Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.



She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.



PLEASE NOTE:



To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.



The first floor has wives that love sex.



The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.



The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Beautiful!

I needed that this morning !

Now where is this wives store again? Do they take returns or trade-ins?
Hope the Mrs. skips the cafe this morning!

Love ya hon!

Well done CNT!

True stories:
My uncle was fishing with a friend a few years back and sent the friend to the bait shop for some leeches. The friend returned with what he said were sevens and threes.
Not understanding, my uncle asked to see them.
"These aren't 7's and 3's they are Large and Medium."

Same uncle took his grandchildren ice fishing. He drilled a hole or two for tip ups outside the fishhouse. When his granddaughter asked what they were for he said when you catch a fish the flag goes up. As the kids were jigging inside the fish house his grandson caught a small perch. The girl looked out the window and said "That thing doesn't work."

Good one CNT im going to use that

Govs93 wrote:

Cool, it's Triumph The Insult Dog!

My favorite video of his which I ran across one night while researching Hawaii videos:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/70376/tri ... ather_dog/

Lee

east hockey wrote: Cool, it's Triumph The Insult Dog!

My favorite video of his which I ran across one night while researching Hawaii videos:
Lee

Triumph is great and the anchor didn't look too amused.

I think he is in Sioux Falls now!

And how many more times are we going to hear about Hawaii before you leave? Enjoy the weather this weekend like the rest of us!

tomASS wrote:

east hockey wrote: Cool, it's Triumph The Insult Dog!

My favorite video of his which I ran across one night while researching Hawaii videos:
Lee

Triumph is great and the anchor didn't look too amused.

I think he is in Sioux Falls now!

And how many more times are we going to hear about Hawaii before you leave? Enjoy the weather this weekend like the rest of us!

I wasn't aware I was crammin' the sunny Aloha State down folks' throat. I promise to try harder in the upcoming weeks.

Lee

east hockey wrote:

tomASS wrote:

east hockey wrote: Cool, it's Triumph The Insult Dog!

My favorite video of his which I ran across one night while researching Hawaii videos:
Lee

Triumph is great and the anchor didn't look too amused.

I think he is in Sioux Falls now!

And how many more times are we going to hear about Hawaii before you leave? Enjoy the weather this weekend like the rest of us!

I wasn't aware I was crammin' the sunny Aloha State down folks' throat. I promise to try harder in the upcoming weeks.

Lee

Where ya going this time? Same spot?
I can't wait to go back.....

Can't Never Tried wrote:

east hockey wrote:

tomASS wrote: Triumph is great and the anchor didn't look too amused.

I think he is in Sioux Falls now!

And how many more times are we going to hear about Hawaii before you leave? Enjoy the weather this weekend like the rest of us!

I wasn't aware I was crammin' the sunny Aloha State down folks' throat. I promise to try harder in the upcoming weeks.

Lee

Where ya going this time? Same spot?
I can't wait to go back.....

Maui for two weeks. A day trip over to Lanai where we're going to bang around in a Jeep Wrangler. Zipline. Other fun stuff as we come across it. Good food (but not necessarily good for you)

Maui always draws us back, being we got married there.

Lee

east hockey wrote:Maui has its draw back, being we got married there.

Lee

Forgive my BIAFP moment...

Hope the weather is better for you than it was for my uncle...he was there for a week and just got back a couple days ago. It rained the whole time he was there...I guess they got like 20+ inches

sinbin006 wrote:Hope the weather is better for you than it was for my uncle...he was there for a week and just got back a couple days ago. It rained the whole time he was there...I guess they got like 20+ inches

They sure did in windward parts of the islands. Landslides on the Big Island. Roads closed on the Big Island and Maui. What a mess. It was one of those Kona lows that settles over the state from time to time and unleashes unreal amounts of rain. When that happens, even the leeward side gets drenched.

Lee

east hockey wrote:

sinbin006 wrote:Hope the weather is better for you than it was for my uncle...he was there for a week and just got back a couple days ago. It rained the whole time he was there...I guess they got like 20+ inches

They sure did in windward parts of the islands. Landslides on the Big Island. Roads closed on the Big Island and Maui. What a mess. It was one of those Kona lows that settles over the state from time to time and unleashes unreal amounts of rain. When that happens, even the windward side gets drenched.

Lee

I'm telling you, you got the island weather lingo down better than Denny Green ever understanding an Alberta Clipper